What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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