I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
