still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
