Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
