So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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