I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
