just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
