I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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