Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
