Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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