So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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