get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
