Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
