So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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