The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
