I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
