You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
