Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?