my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.