Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?