Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat