He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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