I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
