Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
