Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
