I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
