why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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