god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
