I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
