Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
