The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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