your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
