We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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