I'm going to jail i love you
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
