Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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