My room smells like vodka and shame
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
