I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
