if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
