can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
