Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
