I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
