Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize