Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
