Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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