You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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