In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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