Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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