I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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