I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
