To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
