So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
