I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
