im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
