he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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