Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
