So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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