this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
