im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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