His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
