butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
