dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
