...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
