Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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