I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize