All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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