you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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