he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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