The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
