giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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