There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
