Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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