I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
