this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
