stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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