3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
