hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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