I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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