DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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