Do you still have your period?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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