Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
