Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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