The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize