What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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