she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
