it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
