So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
