I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
