i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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