the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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