You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
