what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found your dick twin last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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