"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
