Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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